hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I will die if light touches me.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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