Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
