they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he laminated a picture of his dick.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
