I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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