porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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