I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
