the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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