Are we in a gay sports bar?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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