I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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