you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
