my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
