Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
