I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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