wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
