I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
