By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
