i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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