That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
