Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the raccoons are back...
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