I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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