Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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