I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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