hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
