dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
