Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize