Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she told me i tasted like america
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Randomize
