proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
