yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
