I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
