Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
