I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
