It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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