My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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