guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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