all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
