Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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