So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
