no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize