I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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