Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Boobs are out for the taking
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
