You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize