Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer

Fav 16 1944 2378
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(702): View more from Nevada

So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?

Fav 62 956 8525
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous

Fav 14 5741 813
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(607): View more from New York

since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.

Fav 48 5045 1285
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(706): View more from Georgia

I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.

Fav 20 1821 4402
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator

Fav 12 1102 2794
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.

Fav 7 1068 1533
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(850): View more from Florida

When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.

Fav 1 54 7
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(706): View more from Georgia

That's why we have robots to masturbate for us

Fav 0 31 4
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