if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
