i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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