haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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