In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
