I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
