My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
