I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
