no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize