Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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