Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
