Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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