Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize