I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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