We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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