ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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