New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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