did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
