I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
