I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my being single is dangerous.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
