You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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