I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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